6Pros and 6 Cons
So you are thinking about opening up your relationship to swinging? Or maybe you have been a swinger a while but are a little confused about what you really feel. When you decide for you and your partner to swing and share other partners you don't always have a specific plan sometimes you just jump right in and try swim your way through, some will make it like a champion and others will sink along the way!
What is important to remember is that this is a mutual "game" to be played together and its important to always respect each others feelings and opinions else things can go dramatically wrong. If you are respecting your partners boundaries and rules and working together then usually this can be a powerful part of life that adds to the strength of your relationship or marriage.
We have compiled a list of some of the main pros and cons to consider as it can be very unchartered territory especially if you are new to the swing scene
Let's start with some Pro's
Let's You Explore Sexual Partners & Experiences
So instead of cheating you have the ability to explore other body types, dynamics and fantasies without all the deceit. You can touch, play, watch, engage as a couple and devour all those types you have "fancied" but still go home with the love of your life, your soul mate. It opens up so many opportunities to explore others and your joint sexual desires together that you never even knew you wanted. Watching your partner be pleased can be so sensual.
Opens Real Communication & Trust
Communication is the most essential thing in any relationship, and a true gift when you feel like you are connected to your partner like no other can be. Swinging allows you to open up honestly to your partner and have them share with you so that you can explore those in depth fantasies together rather than leaving them in a closet and leaving yourself & your partner sexually frustrated. Knowing you and your partner are desired sexually can also give you a huge ego high for your sex drive.
Enhances An Already Strong Relationship
It can be hard for many people in the monogamous world to get their head around wanting to share each other. But that's just your insecurities and fears. Swinging can actually strengthen a healthy relationship ten fold by overcoming these insecurities together and forming a lasting, trusting bond like no other. Seeing your partner being pleasured but knowing they are still committed to you can be a very powerful thing for your marriage and actually builds bonds through a mind state of acceptance and "Compersion"
Exploring Outide of "The Couples Box"
Swinging not only allows you to try "new people" but also gives you such a vast experience into things you may not have tried and wanted to. For instance girl on girl, or two guys and a girl, or toys and positions you would never normally have introduced into the bedroom. Some people will enjoy a little spanking or bondage and others will enjoy more of a voyeurism situation for example hotwife and cuckold is becoming increasingly more popular with couples. There are so many exciting new things to explore and we explain some of the terms here.
The Bonds & Friendships
If done successfully and with respect, swinging can bring you the most amazing life long friendships with deep connections that are not only sexual but made of trust and understanding. Swingers are open minded and sexually liberated so it makes them way easier to talk to about pretty much anything and they can also be great support for helping guide you through the LS with their successes or failures or they can at least for the most part relate to the fun and frustrations of it all so always treat swingers with respect not as sex toys for disposal!
The Adult Alternative Lifestyle
The best bits can be the parties. It doesn't always have to be about full on sex with who ever you meet. Swingers tend to have amazing communities that will gather together for camping trips, cruises or parties, these usually all involve an ass grab here and there but they don't have to be sex orientated they can be communal too. However the sex events, whether in private homes or swinger clubs can be the most amazing experiences especially the dress up ones like the masquerade balls that give that air of mystery and sexiness too!
Now To Some Downfalls of Swinging to Watch For
The "Thirsty" Predators
Anyone with any experience in swinging will tell you there are "thirsty people" this generally refers to those that want to not only shag everything in sight but it can also refer to those that have zero boundaries or respect for couples relationships or dynamics. Those types that will grab your ass not knowing you or without consent or those that will grab all over your partner and act like you are not there or try to go behind your back with them! Set firm boundaries to keep these kind of toxic people away from you they can be very damaging.
Jealousy & Insecurites
Anyone who says they never get jealous are either A, 100% in a very long term secure relationship where they have worked out all the issues between them and they feel safe with each others boundaries and respect them or B, they are lying to save face! All of us suffer some insecurity or jealousy at some point. It can often be caused by the "third" or "outside" party(s) and can often be confused with you feeling combative that someone is "pissing on your territory" without your permission! Communication between couples is vital! If you feel it discuss it, if they bring it up "hear them out" and be considerate.
The Secrets - The Exposure
People can be terrified for so many reasons that they will be found out. They are worried their kids will find out, or if there boss does and it affects work, or if their grandma will turn over in their grave if they knew! The Adult Alternative Lifestyles are choices! They give us the sexual freedom we need to enjoy life without cheating and deceiving. Its better to be honest and open but discrete but at the same time its understandable that certain situations you have to not let the cat out of the bag. Don't let shame or fear destroy your fun just work out how to keep everything in balance with trusted people.
Don't Take One For The Team
A huge mistake in the swingers lifestyle is when one or the other partner will either "take one of the team" meaning doing something sexual with someone they really don't want to just to keep the other one happy but sometimes partners will "bully" the other one into situations or dynamics they really don't want! Speak up! You can compromise between what he or she wants but do not venture into things that only please the other or else resentment will build and your relationship will take a turn for the worst quickly!
Finding The Right Play Friends
This is a huge challenge in the LS because it can be harder than you think to find the right partners. For instance you meet a couple and the wife might be smoking hot and to your requirements but maybe the man is not at all what you want touching either of you! (See No 4 and stick to it!) On the other hand maybe one of you is getting all the attention and your partner is not which can also cause frustration. It is not only the sexual attraction but its personality too, often you may be turned off by someone too thirsty or too cocky or whatever!
Swinging & Ghosting!
There can be a lot of flakes in the lifestyle. You join an adult site, you match a couple, spend time getting to know them, then bam they don't show and disappear like they never existed ! So frustrating! This isn't about you, maybe they got scared, maybe they found someone else? Who knows, Point is we have found from years and years of experience that social platforms are the best way to slowly get to know the right people so you are not left in uncomfortable positions or wasting time with unknown people. Join us today at thealtstyle.com
There really are a lot of bridges to cross, hurdles to overcome and bonds to build. However it all boils down to several things, trust, communication, respect and more communication.
If you can listen and care about your partners mental health, physical wellbeing and safety then that is where you start. Work up to your "goals" slowly" don't just head to a party and swing like crazy, set rules or boundaries or requirements that fit you as a couple. It is not a "one rule suits all" kind of playing field, each person and couple will need different things to make it work so be sure of your partners needs first and foremost, then don't feel scared to ask questions or set out your requirements of new play friends. Better to be safe than sorry and overstep your own lines or worse put yourself in positions you don't know how to deal with. Have your "safe sentences or words (or actions)" that let your partner know "I am out" and respect them when they give the signal there are always other people and other occasions. Don't let little things ruin it because you won't speak out to each other.
Our advice is to always chat between you after each occasion too, this can build strong connections, take away fears, prove to each other that you care, set new boundaries if needed and also lead to very hot sex when you both discuss how amazing the "session or scenario" was!
Feel free to share your pro's and cons with us below we want to hear from you.
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