DO SWINGERS HAVE RULES?
It is a common misperception that swingers generally tend to just fuck everything they see. I mean don't get me wrong there are some thirsty ones out there that will try have sex with absolutely everything that moves, much like in the vanilla (monogamous) world where people get on dating apps and will have crazy sex with as many people as they can like it is going out of fashion!
However, true swingers actually have rule books. Now while there is no "standard book of swinging" that you can go look up the rules in, it is very dependent on each couple and their mutual agreements.
Much like in marriage you take your vows and promise "until death do us part" and all the nice terms for "I will be loyal and won't screw around behind your back" that comes with the standard monogamous type relationships - swingers' have agreement's with their spouse or partner that are usually quite detailed and if they are smart they have discussed this until they are 100 percent sure of the other's triggers.
You might ask yourself if you are having sex with a stranger or third party do rules matter, Oh Yes They DO, for most anyway!
It is essential that every swinger couple has a set of rules that they "play" to. For instance, as a couple they may agree that threesomes are ok, but another female can only be introduced in a threesome in the same room, same time - never a solo (so no quickies over the kitchen counter at the upcoming party while the wife is still in the bathroom getting ready) as some swinger couples still see this is cheating because it is without permission and against "the rules/agreements - much like in any monogamous situation.
Fundamentally, everything you do without your partners pre-agreement can be cheating or "over stepping boundaries". You may ask how people willing to swap couples or partners may even need boundaries but swinging comes from a huge build up of trust between the parties to explore another's body sexually (and it usually comes without emotional attachment - the emotional side is for polyamorous partnerships) but still keeping within their agreed rules to both feel safe, secure and enjoy the pleasurable time they share with others.
THE DANGERS OF NO RULES SWINGING
Newbie swingers will always think they don't need rules (or agreements as some prefer to call them) and sometimes a few very secure couples out there do make it just fine without any specific rules of engagement. That is normally because they have been together for so long they have a common understanding of what will piss the other off in general and they don't have to spell it out at that point. They have mutual respect for each other and trust that each will play by the unsaid rules that they would expect their partner to.
But what if you are not in that amazingly secure, safe & happy place, well then this is where things can take a turn quickly. Some couples when their marriage or relationship is having issues think having a baby is the answer and others think swinging is, well both can be but you need to plan and prepare for both situations the same way! For example, you might say hey let's just go to a swingers party and have sex, and you have this amazing MFM for an hour or so but then your lady goes and has three men touch her up at the same time with you in another room are you ok with that because she just had sex with another female with you on your request? What is good for the Goose is not always good for the Gander! It happens a lot in swinging where the male will allow two women to be together but if there is two men in the room with one woman the mood of the man may change quickly as he may get jealous or intimidated (and yes that is some double standard bullshit but unfortunately it does happen a lot in the swinger communities).
Arguments can arise quickly and jealousy and insecurity can rear it's ugly head in a space of 0-100 in certain situations and it is usually because you have not laid out up front what you do and don't like with your partner and that is not only likely to screw up your relationship but it is going to ruin the night for whatever person(s) you put as piggy in the middle of your bad situation because you did not iron your shit out together!
HOW DO YOU MAKE RULES
Here is where we come back to the .... It all depends ON YOU as a couple! What is important is to be 100% honest up front about what is going to trigger any insecurity or jealous in you. For instance your wife has tiny boobs and she knows you have an obsession about huge boobs, have a little consideration and don't make it obvious that the only 2 women in the party you are interested in fucking happen to both have DDD boobs, how about you ask her what she would like to play with as far as a woman's body is concerned. Including each other is vital, One of the biggest problems in the LS is the lack of inclusion where one party will feel left out and this can lead to break up's quikly if it keeps happening. Of course your partner still wants to feel important to you! If not Number 1 to you so how do you achieve that? Example, If he tells you that you are free to flirt and kiss a man at a party does he mean 10 men or just one? Simple things like that can cause the biggest rows like you can't imagine and all because simple things are not agreed upon before hand.
I always suggest to couples that after EVERY swinging experience, it is important to re-group, discuss how everything went and what you did and did not like and it helps you build that all perfect trusting connection rather than winding each other up unknowingly. Many swinger couples will come home and have sex together afterwards, this can be for bonding but can also be because of the huge turn on they found sharing each other then uniting back as one body of hot sweat reminding each other they are still the best fuck out there!
I can't say it enough, communication is the key to a successful swinging relationship, if you are not on the same page (much like throwing an unwanted baby in the picture) it will cause more harm than any bonding for the future like it should. Talk, talk, talk, and listen .. if he tells you the thought of another man touching him will put him in therapy that does not mean he will do it in the right circumstance, it probably means he will punch the guy, so don't push your partner's into something they are not comfortable with, everything takes time, and trust and more time. If she tells you that she gave you permission to touch a couple asses but not to ram your fingers into holes not agreed then take that as a red flag you went too far and don't do it again.
Is is hard getting through the minefield until you reach perfection as far as a balanced understanding of each other but if your partner does do something wrong unintentionally try talk it out calmly, don't sulk and go off into one immediately, remember if you are adult enough to share humans sexually together then be adult enough to discuss your fears, insecurities and frustrations as adults to. The chances are your partner did not realize they over stepped so communicating this in a respectful manner can really help to build that trust through all the experimentation. (If they keep disrespecting you after you have repeatedly told them your issues then swinging with them is not the answer for you, finding a new partner who does respect you is!)
Let me know what questions you have I would be happy to answer them for you.